See My Life Through Him

This afternoon, I was studying the conference talk from Tracy Browning called "Seeing More of Jesus Christ in Our Lives". 

Here are two of my favorite phrases:

"The Savior invites us to see our lives through Him in order to see more of Him in our lives."

"Look to and for Jesus Christ in my every thought and deed..."

As I tried to visualize what this looks like in my day-to-day life, I thought of picturing things that matter throughout my day actually through a translucent image of Christ. I printed several pictures that represent my life right now, including my kids, my marriage, my individual kids, my job, and my callings. Then I printed a couple of images of Christ on vellum paper. 

I love that I can trade out the images as I need to focus on various parts of life through the lens of Christ. Making this idea more concrete has been a good activity for me today. I love how Christ lifts me in all areas of my life as I continue to learn to focus on Him. 

Love of Learning

I love to learn. My love for learning has had ebbs and flows throughout my life. When I was in elementary, I loved school. When I was in kindergarten, I came home from school and told my mom that I wanted to be a school teacher -- look at me now! I loved to play school with my sisters. School was generally pretty easy for me. I read a lot and was a naturally good speller. Math usually came pretty easily to me. I had a little harder time with history because it's hard for me to remember names, dates, and details. Now I enjoy history more than I used to, but it's usually through historical fiction, which is an easier format for me to read than traditional historical texts. I have learned more about history in this way as an adult than I ever thought I would. I'm so glad I didn't give up on history just because it wasn't a strength for me.

When I had only been teaching school for 3 years or so, I remember hearing about an optional professional development opportunity after school for reading comprehension. I remember thinking to myself that I didn't really need that, so I wasn't going to go. It was probably more of a problem of time - there are always too many things on my to-do list at school and it's hard to take time out for an optional thing. Either way, that thought stands out in my mind and I feel a little sad about my former self.

Fast forward about 20 years, and I have a different outlook. I still have too many things I want to get done in a school day, but my appreciation for learning things that will make me a better teacher has significantly increased. Last year, I attended a few optional math trainings after school. Since my contract time is done at lunch time, I had to make arrangements for carpool and go back to the school to attend them. I was so glad I did since I learned some simple strategies and received some fabulous math kits for attending. I have found a lot of great ideas and resources just since the beginning of the summer, when I started my Instagram and Facebook page for sharing my teaching ideas.

There are so many things I have learned in the last 7 years since going back to teaching that I wish I knew from day 1. But that's not the way life works. I learn and grow through my experiences, good and bad. I learn from other people. I learn from books and trainings. I learn through research when facing a specific problem. I learn from failures. And as I continue to learn, I feel energized and excited to put my new knowledge into my teaching. I gain more confidence in my skills as a teacher. There's also a counter-intuitive phenomenon that I see. The more I learn, the more I realize I have to learn.

Before I became a mom, I was the best mom. I had all the answers, and I just knew I would have perfect children. I was pretty patient with my students, even when facing difficult behaviors, and I knew I would transfer that trait to my home. Then I became a mom. Again, the more I learned, the more I realized that I had so much more to learn. That patience that I was so proud of disintegrated when these little humans that are so precious to me pressed my buttons. The stakes feel so much higher and I have to get it right. This pressure makes it so much harder. I have learned so much, but even with my current knowledge, if I was to start over, I know I would still struggle. Just like with teaching, as I increase my parenting skills, it is exciting and rewarding -- and then the next hurdle appears and I continue my journey of learning.

A few years ago, I was called to be one of 4 organists for my ward. I had never learned how to play the organ, and I got a 15 minute lesson from a friend with the settings she uses and a couple basic concepts. I learned about the button that allows me to "cheat" with the foot pedals, getting the nice, full bass notes with the keyboard instead of my feet. I felt content with my extremely minimal skills. Then our ward music coordinator arranged an organ training for our stake through a program from BYU. I truly learned about the settings and how to customize and adapt for different styles of hymns. I learned a few tricks for the foot pedals. My learning bug was stoked. I bought a couple of books and went to the church a couple of times to start playing around with my new knowledge. I didn't do much at that time, though.

Then I was scheduled to play the organ in sacrament meeting for the first time in over 3 years today. I practiced the hymns and played with the settings for longer than I expected. Today, I changed settings between songs and even between verses a few times. Even if it wasn't noticeable to others, I had fun. I'm excited to keep practicing and learning because I'm just on the cusp of what I can learn. I didn't ever think I would want to learn more about playing the organ. My dad started learning how to play a few years before he got sick and I found myself wishing I could share my excitement with him today.

This same craving to learn more is evident in my scripture reading. I have tried many strategies since I was a teenager to get more out of my scripture time. Several years ago, I decided to do an in-depth study of Isaiah since Christ commanded us to study his words. I took about a year to read through slowly, reading all of the footnotes and multiple commentaries. I learned a lot, but I also knew I had only scratched the surface.

This week, I started Isaiah again, following the Come Follow Me curriculum. This time around, besides a couple of new commentaries, I added a few podcasts and one of my new favorite strategies - different translations of the Bible to better understand the original meaning of the Hebrew writings. Some of the translations I like have formatted the verses with the couplets/parallelism that Isaiah uses heavily grouped together, instead of the traditional paragraph format. With all of these strategies combined, after the first 12 chapters, I am in awe of Isaiah's brilliance as a writer and poet. I feel a drive to learn more, especially as I go back to the King James version after all my other studies and I feel like I'm getting the main ideas so much better than ever. It's motivating to see progress from my work. I'm so grateful for the efforts of so many people and technology that gives me access to so many wonderful resources. I love learning from the scriptures.

In a commencement address at BYU by Elder David A. Bednar titled "Learning to Love Learning", he shared 3 points:

1. Learning to Love Learning Is Central to the Gospel of Jesus Christ

2. Learning to Love Learning Is Vital to Our Ongoing Spiritual and Personal Development

3. Learning to Love Learning Is an Absolute Necessity in the World in Which We Do Now and Will Yet Live, Serve, and Work

The energy I feel as I learn in these areas of my life and more is a gift from God. I'm so grateful for the ways I can learn and progress in my life and I'm eager to continue on my path of learning. 

Studying Psalms

Several years ago when I was teaching the weekly scripture class for our RS, I decided my favorite book in the Old Testament is Psalms. I especially loved reading all of the verses praising the Lord. I even had the thought that maybe someday I could write a song praising Him based on some of the Psalms.

For the next 3 weeks with the Come Follow Me curriculum, we are studying Psalms and I'm so excited! In "Don't Miss This" for this week, David Butler and Emily Freeman split up the first third into suggested daily readings for people wanting to read the entire book instead of just the assigned chapters. Yes, please!

This week: 1-11, 12-19, 20-27, 28-34, 35-40, 41-46, catch up.

They also showed a pyramid showing the most common themes in Psalms. Bottom to top: Praise & Thanksgiving, Lament, Wisdom, Messianic, Trust, and Hope. I started a document to list as many favorite lines for each of these topics as I can. Just today in 11 short chapters, I typed 36 lines I love. If I ever try writing a song, this will be a great resource.

Artist @dan.wilson.art

Feast Upon the Words of Christ

My scripture study changes all the time. When I first started, I just read, generally a chapter per day. As time goes on, I continually try different things.

• Mark one thing in each chapter that I can apply to my life.
• Read commentary books
• Read seminary and institute manuals
• Copy and paste good insights and quotes from commentaries into my notes in my digital scriptures
• Highlight with different colors every time I notice specific topics or categories
• Type at least one observation from my life in each chapter
• Highlight every time the Lord is mentioned
• Read every footnote in the chapter

Currently, I am trying a few new things.

Use the Scripture Plus app from Book of Mormon Central to follow their reading plan for Come Follow Me

• Breaks up the chapters in a realistic way to spread the chapters out throughout the week
• Includes an awesome, short video every day

Watch 3 different YouTube channels while getting ready for the day and driving to work (also available as podcasts)

• Don't Miss This, by David Butler and Emily Belle Freeman - This show has great insights into applying the scriptures into my life and stories to make the scriptures more meaningful
• Follow Him, hosted by Hank Smith and John Bytheway - This show has different guests each week, scholars in the fields that are most applicable to the lesson like languages, archaeology, and Middle Eastern studies
• Book of Mormon Central, Come Follow Me Insights - This show also focuses on context to help understand the culture of the Bible and diving deep into the scriptures

For many people, this much would be overkill, and that's ok. Some people would be annoyed by hearing the same stories over and over again, especially since the same lessons are taught in Sunday School. For me, it keeps the lessons in my head all week, gives me more opportunities to learn from them and time to ponder them, helps me catch things I miss when I just read on my own, helps my enthusiasm for the scriptures stay strong as I feel their energy, and helps me learn things about the culture that I would never know without it.

I hope you can find joy in studying the scriptures, any way that works for you.

Faith to Move Mountains, Part 2

Last Sunday, I felt that I needed to share my testimony during sacrament meeting. I thought about my faith in God and how important it is in my life. The more I tried to put my thoughts into words, the more emotional I got and I couldn't get up. My mind has been full since then and I decided to write down my thoughts instead.

A few months ago, I got a mustard seed necklace while studying the topic of faith with Inklings Institute. The catalyst for this study comes from a quote from President Nelson in April 2021. "Start today to increase your faith. Through your faith, Jesus Christ will increase your ability to move the mountains in your life, even though your personal challenges may loom as large as Mount Everest."

I wore this necklace frequently until the chain broke. Then I bought a new chain and wore it every single day for a while, not taking it off at all. I felt a profound need to cling to my faith, knowing that some of my problems are completely out of my hands and I need God's help. After a while, I wanted to have the mustard seed reminder every day while still being able to wear other necklaces, so I added a lobster clasp and put it on my watch band. I frequently find myself fiddling with the charm and I have grown to love the physical reminder of the special relationship I have with my Heavenly Father.

As I have pondered why I value my faith so much, I thought about my faith throughout my life. I believe one of my spiritual gifts is the gift of faith (1 Corinthians 12:9). I have always had faith in God. Over time, I have seen my faith change me as a person. When I was young, I tried to be obedient to God's commandments because of my faith. I believe this was a very good thing, but it started out very transactional. If I ____, God will ____. This was an important part of my spiritual development. I even mark my scriptures with one color for the things I am asked to do and another color for the promised blessings and I love seeing the Lord's willingness to bless us.

I believe this is a great way to start viewing faith. This is strengthened every day as I study the scriptures. When people trust in God, He helps them through their trials. I have studied many stories that support this facet of faith and, more importantly, have had many personal experiences where God has been in my story, helping and blessing me.

Over time, my faith is continuing to evolve. Elder D. Todd Christofferson shared a great analogy in April 2022. "Some misunderstand the promises of God to mean that obedience to Him yields specific outcomes on a fixed schedule... But things are not so mechanical in the divine economy. We ought not to think of God’s plan as a cosmic vending machine where we (1) select a desired blessing, (2) insert the required sum of good works, and (3) the order is promptly delivered. God will indeed honor His covenants and promises to each of us... The atoning power of Jesus Christ... ensures that God can and will fulfill His promises. It is essential that we honor and obey His laws, but not every blessing predicated on obedience to law is shaped, designed, and timed according to our expectations. We do our best but must leave to Him the management of blessings, both temporal and spiritual."

I find myself progressing away from this cosmic vending machine view towards a less structured view. I have noticed that even though daily prayer and scripture study are still very much a part of my day, it has gone beyond the checklist mentality. My prayers have become more than just what I pray when on my knees, more about my thoughts yearning towards Him many times during the day. These rituals are an important part of who I am - they are changing me. Using a scientific analogy, I feel like I'm experiencing less of a physical change and more of a chemical change, like my essence is changing through my faith. This reminds me of Alma the younger, who described his father Alma by saying, "According to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart." (Alma 5:12)

These thoughts of my progression of faith were already swirling in my mind this week as I studied the talk by Elder Larry S. Kacher from April 2022. He described my change of faith, almost like he was describing my own experiences. "But as we move toward true faith in Jesus Christ, our mindset begins to change. We recognize that obedience and faith in the Savior qualify us to have His Spirit always to be with us. Obedience is no longer an irritant but becomes a quest. We recognize that obedience to God’s commands enables us to be trusted of Him. With His trust comes increased light. This light guides our journey and allows us to see more clearly the path we should take. But there is more. As our faith in the Savior increases, we observe a subtle shift that includes a divine understanding of our relationship with God—a steady movement away from 'What do I want?' to 'What does God want?' Like the Savior, we want to act 'not as I will, but as thou wilt.' We want to do God’s work and be an instrument in His hands... Unbelief blocks our ability to see miracles, whereas a mindset of faith in the Savior unlocks the powers of heaven."

How has this change come about for me? As already mentioned, I think the main foundation has been daily prayer and scripture study over the course of many years. This is not to say I have prayed and studied every single day. There have been several periods of time that were distinctly lacking, and the intensity of both ebbs and flows all the time. But the overall trend has been mostly consistent.

Over the last few months especially, I have struggled with multiple problems that have really stretched my faith and forced me to do a lot of soul searching, studying, pondering, and praying. I have started attending the temple at least once a week and found I love going to the temple by myself, where I can ponder more clearly. Again, this is becoming a part of who I am, not just a checklist.

I love the idea from Elder Kacher of a mindset of faith because I have been at points where I had two choices: have faith in God or don't. We've heard that love is a choice, an action. I believe the same is true for faith. When standing on a precipice, I have chosen faith again and again. As I continue to choose faith, the Lord continually blesses me with peace. This is not the same as continuous peace. It's like I'm jumping from one rock of peace to another in a big river. Sometimes these rocks are too far apart to jump, so sometimes I'm swimming on my own until I can get to the next rock. But the Lord always helps me feel more peace before I drown. This process repeats, sometimes with different problems and sometimes with the same one, over and over.

A friend recently recommended I read the BYU speech "Stand Forever" by Lawrence E. Corbridge. The entire speech is fabulous and I highly recommend it. He talks about primary questions and secondary questions. "Answer the primary questions first. Not all questions are equal and not all truths are equal. The primary questions are the most important. Everything else is subordinate. There are only a few primary questions... (1) Is there a God who is our Father? (2) Is Jesus Christ the Son of God, the Savior of the world?" As I focus on the primary questions first and trust God to help me sort the secondary questions gradually, I can continue to have faith in Him even when I don't know all of the answers.

I know there is a God. I know His Son is the Savior of the world. I trust Him to guide me. I know He loves my children and that He will guide them. I don't have to solve all the problems in the world, but I can be an instrument in His hands to serve others one by one and leave the rest to Him. I thank Him every day for my faith. I feel like I'm just touching the tip of the iceberg in my journey of faith, and I can't wait to see what's next.

Easter Talk on Christ's Atonement

I have spent so much time over the last couple of weeks studying Christ's atonement as I prepared a talk for sacrament meeting for today. I learned so much and it changed my perspective for celebrating Easter today. I spent most of my time focusing on 4 main blessings we have because of His crucifixion and resurrection: resurrection, forgiveness for sins, strengthening, and perfecting. I read two wonderful books that I recommend to anyone who wants to study more as well - see the last slide. 

I'm so grateful for my Savior and His sacrifice and love for me. Happy Easter!

General Conference Notes

I decided to try a new approach for my notes during General Conference this weekend and I'm loving it. I know most people probably wouldn't get as excited as I am about taking notes, but I accepted my geekiness long ago. I tend to spend too much time just typing all the good ideas and words I like close to word for word, but then when I'm reading them later, I can just highlight them so much easier. 

I wanted to focus more on watching for personal revelation for problems and questions I have right now. I spent some time before conference started with a brain dump in my journal, writing out everything that's been on my mind lately. It was an emotional but cleansing experience for me. Then I summarized it all into 6 questions I want to look for answers to throughout conference. 

Next, I created a simple questionnaire with Google Forms with the following fields: Speaker, Session, Topic, Stories (the stories are how I connect back to the talks the easiest), Truth, Actions, and one field for each of my questions.

I have noticed so many more thoughts and quotes that apply to my life right now. My focus shift is already monumental for me. The summary page for Google Forms automatically pulls all of the things I've recorded for each of my questions together. After conference, I will be able to easily find the talks that inspired me on each question to continue my studying. 

I love technology. 🖥 

I love General Conference.

I love my Savior.

Positive Affirmations

The beginning of the year is a good time to reflect on how I'm doing in my life in important areas and what I want to work on improving next. One of my new favorite ways to help myself improve is through positive affirmations.

Negative self-talk is such a damaging bad habit. It undermines goals I set for myself. In our relief society lesson today, it was pointed out that we are much more likely to reach our goals if we set goals that line up with our identity, how we truly see ourselves. 

Repeating affirmations can help me to see the person I am striving to be, to begin with the end in mind. They can help me align my daily decisions so I can become the person I want to become.

In a weekly newsletter focusing on different talks from general conference called Work & Wonder, I have been reading affirmations that are created to line up with the main ideas of each talk. I recently started adding these affirmations to Google Keep and I put a widget on my home screen so I can easily review these throughout the week. It's powerful to envision myself becoming more. 

Instead of focusing on multiple traditional goals, this year I will focus on these two words, "I am." I can't wait to see how I will grow this year.

Sabbath Day Thoughts

I remember being young and dreading Sundays. I didn't like the restrictions like not being able to play with friends. Church itself was OK overall, but seemed to my young self to be long and frequently boring. Our family always sat on the very front row, a row that in most wards is always empty. I'm sure my mom loved everyone watching our antics as we goofed off, quietly or not, during sacrament meeting.

These feelings changed over time. In college, I recognized that going to church helped me be a better person. I made it a point to go, even when my parents weren't with me. I knew that continuing with regular church attendance was important to me. 

Now my feelings have deepened to something much more. I realized a few years ago that I look forward to Sundays now. I love that I can ignore my to do list and focus on things that are less stressful. When I first kneel to pray on Sunday mornings, I feel different than during the week. I feel grateful for the Sabbath. Sundays are frequently busy, especially with my calling, but it still feels more restful. I love having extra time to study. I don't see Sundays as restrictive like I used to. I look at it as a day that is separate from other days and I love spending more time focusing on Christ. 

Church is more enjoyable to me now than when I was a kid. I learn so much from others in my ward. I love hearing different perspectives. The more I study throughout the week, the more excited I am to hear comments from others because it helps point me in a different direction than my own thoughts have taken me. If I do start to feel bored during church, I recognize that I am less engaged. When I pay more attention to the talks and lessons, the boredom goes away. 

I love that the organization of the church gives me more opportunities to serve in big and small ways. As I serve, I form strong relationships with others that help lift me. 

In general conference in October, Dallin H. Oaks talked about the need for a church. I reflected on the blessings he mentioned and how I see them in my life. I love that I can progress through my church activity. I'm grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.