Pivotal Spiritual Experiences

I've been trying to reflect back on my life to remember pivotal spiritual experiences for me. What has shaped my trust in the Lord over the years? What can I cling to when I'm struggling? How do I know the Lord loves me and will help me through my current trials? 

One of my earliest impactful experiences happened when I was in high school. I was feeling so lost and alone one day. I don't even remember why now. It wasn't some big loss I had experienced, just normal teenage life. But I do remember feeling that I didn't know how to get over this mountain, whatever it was. I felt powerless. 

I specifically remember crying hard into my pillow, the kind of crying that leaves my face all red and splotchy. I had the bottom bunk and I still remember the feeling of cowering on that bed in despair. I remember praying. It wasn't an eloquent prayer - it probably wasn't even coherent  - but it sure was heartfelt. I knew I needed comfort and strength from the Lord. I was humble enough in that moment to recognize that I couldn't do this on my own. 

The answer to my prayer came in a more real physical way than I had experienced before or since. I felt as if I was cradled in the lap of the Lord, that He was physically holding me, comforting me, showing me that He knew exactly what I was going through and that He could help me through it. 

This scripture in Alma 7:12 perfectly describes how I see that experience. "And he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." He knew what I needed in that moment. I know He loves me and will continue to strengthen and comfort me. 

I recently read the conference talk by Elder Ulisses Soares titled Jesus Christ: The Caregiver of Our Soul. He talked about how some things can never truly be understood from hearing someone else tell about their experiences. They have to be felt for yourself. This is one of those experiences. I can never really explain this to my kids or others in a way that does it justice. But I can say, give it a try. 

Photo: David Bowman

Images of Christ

I recently started a new collection of saved posts on Instagram just for beautiful images of Christ that I find. It's quickly getting filled with many beautiful paintings that so many talented artists have shared with the world. I love browsing other paintings that some of the artists have on their pages after finding one I really love. I feel peace as I look through my saved images and feel an increase of love for my Savior. 

My faith in Jesus Christ is continually growing. I learn so much as I study His life and His example. As I strive to follow Him, my life is better and I am happier. He brings me peace, love, comfort, encouragement, forgiveness, strength, knowledge, and so much more. I am eternally grateful for Him. 

A few years ago, I was studying the book of Psalms. I was really struck by the beautiful words of praise I found everywhere in that book. I found myself wanting to write a song of praise pulling from Psalms because it impacted me so much. Maybe I'll do it someday. 

The art here comes from the following artists: Simon Dewey, Hailey Kinsey, Castel Arts, The Wood Coop, Janelle Susan Cunningham, Fox and Pebble, and a couple unknown.

Time to Quit

At the beginning of last March, I was praying late one night to know how to help my kids. It was the kind of prayer that had me pacing the room because I felt so helpless. I pleaded with the Lord  to help me know what I could do. I got out a post-it note to start writing down any thoughts that came to my mind. I've noticed that the ideas I have during my prayers more often contain my answers than any other way. It's one of the best ways I can hear Him. 

I made a list of several ideas and continued a broken prayer as I looked over the list. It became very clear to me that I needed to stop teaching piano lessons. This was a difficult idea for me to consider. I had been teaching for over ten years and I loved the one-on-one time I had with my students. I loved getting to know them all individually and I hold a special place in my heart for all of the kids I've taught over the years. 

I struggled with the idea for a little while, then went to bed. I think it was around 2 in the morning and since I usually go to bed about 9:30, it was way past my bedtime. By morning, I felt complete peace with the idea. I knew without a doubt that was the most important thing I could do for my family at that time. 

This is one of the most clear answers to prayer I've ever had. It didn't take long to start seeing real blessings for following through with it. I have much more time in the afternoons when my kids get home from school to talk about their day, or anything else. Now, I frequently spend time just talking to the kids as we play with Moki. I have much more patience with my kids and treat them with more respect. 

Being able to teach piano lessons was truly a blessing in my life. Then being able to quit teaching to focus on my family was also a blessing. I'm so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to help me and knows me well enough to know what I need in my life right now. I trust Him and in His timing. This answer was just the next step for me to take at that time and I've had many more next step answers since then. I know He answers prayers when I turn to Him wholeheartedly and I can continue to receive personal revelation for me and my family.

Finding Peace

A few weeks ago, I got some very difficult news. It weighed on my heart over the next couple of days. One morning, I struggled through my workout, feeling like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I felt desperate to talk to someone but I knew it needed to wait until after school. I felt like I couldn't handle teaching that morning and wasn't sure how I would get through it. 

When I got home, I decided I needed to focus on scriptures that talk about peace instead of my normal studying. I prayed for peace and then started reading. 

I have never had such a complete change in how I felt as I did that morning. I read scripture after scripture about the Lord's ability to help me feel peace, no matter what is happening in my life. By the time I needed to get ready for the day, I realized that I felt completely at peace. The sense of panic was completely gone and I knew I could face the day with confidence.

The problem didn't disappear. But my faith in the Lord to guide me through it was strengthened. I got a tiny taste of Godly patience: the ability to face difficulty confidently. He knows my struggles and my heart. He lifts me as I put my faith in Him. I have seen this in my life over and over again, and these experiences help me trust that He will continue to do so.

Feelings of the Atonement

I want to make a better effort to write down my spiritual experiences so that I can remember them later and to increase my faith in future trials. Prophets have asked us repeatedly to remember. The scriptures use that word repeatedly as well. But I know that my memory is not as good as I want it to be and even special experiences get lost overtime.

Shortly after I became the relief society president, almost 2 years ago, I had an experience talking to a friend who was going through a very difficult time. I spent a lot of time with her and a lot of time on my knees praying for her. One morning, I was praying for her and was having a difficult time finding the words to pray. My heart was hurting for her and her family. After a time, I had an overwhelming feeling that what I was experiencing at that time was a tiny taste of what my Savior experienced for me and for her and for everyone else. It broadened my understanding and strengthened my faith in my Savior, knowing that He knows exactly what she was going through. I wish I could bottle up the exact feeling I felt or even describe it in more depth because it was unlike any spiritual experience I've had before or since.

As we draw nearer to Easter, I want to consider my Savior and His sacrifice for me and remember that experience. Many times in my life, I have received comfort and strength because of him.  I trust in him to continue helping me in my life. I have grown to be a better person as I turn to him again and again. I love Jesus Christ and I am a better person because of everything He has done and continues to do for me.