Thoughts to Words

I have been studying the conference talk by Brad Wilcox called "Worthiness is Not Flawlessness". I have found that when I write down my thoughts, I refine what I'm thinking and it gives me a chance to ponder a little more. Taking it to the next step, creating word art from my favorite quotes also allows me to ponder them a little bit more. So today you get my rambling thoughts. 

As a mom, I see each of my kids frequently pull away from any attempts to correct them, even when done with love. They tend to see it as a criticism instead of my intent to help lift them to a higher plane in their physical, mental, social, and spiritual journeys. I want them to learn from my experiences and knowledge, despite my imperfections. 

Frequently in the scriptures, I see the Lord trying to teach the things that will lift me, but it is sometimes hard to see that He isn't trying to punish, threaten, or criticize me at all. He truly loves me completely just as I am. But He also sees my great potential to become so much more and wants to help me reach that potential. 

When I humble myself and reach to Him for help, He helps me know the next right step, even when my best attempts at life are not as good as I want them to be. He doesn't wait for me to be perfect to help me, and I'm so grateful for His grace, mercy, and love.

Faith to Move Mountains

In General Conference in April, President Russell M. Nelson talked about having faith strong enough to move mountains. I loved so many quotes from his talk.

"Through your faith, Jesus Christ will increase your ability to move the mountains in your life, even though your personal challenges may loom as large as Mount Everest."

"The Savior is never closer to you than when you are facing or climbing a mountain with faith."

"Truly, faith is the power that enables the unlikely to accomplish the impossible."

"Your flourishing faith will help you turn challenges into unparalleled growth and opportunity."

Emily Freeman is hosting a study on faith and Christ called Inklings for the six months between conference sessions. Her friend made a necklace to help keep this study in mind, and I absolutely love it. It has a real mustard seed embedded in it to remind us that we can start with faith as small as a mustard seed and it can grow as large as a mustard tree. 

Recently, I have been wearing this necklace more often than any of my others because there are multiple things in my life right now that are largely outside of my control. I frequently find myself playing with this necklace throughout the day and reminding myself that I can put my limited faith in the Lord and keep moving forward. I know that He is aware of me and my struggles. He knows what I need. I know that He will put people and opportunities in my path that will help me move forward and His Spirit will continue to guide me. I am truly grateful for my faith in Him and it continues to grow as I see His hand in my life more often. And gradually, my mountains are moving.

Back in the Temple

The temple is open again! After almost a year and a half of not being able to go, Nun and I were able to go back yesterday morning. Everyone I saw while there had a giant smile, and I was smiling right along with them. There is such a profound feeling of peace in the temple and the problems of the world almost seem to melt away when I'm there. Nothing else matters for that short time.

Unfortunately, I really struggle to stay awake in the temple. When I go to bed at night, I'm usually asleep about 5 minutes after turning out the light. I have to listen to audio books if I'm driving by myself for more than a few minutes because falling asleep while driving is a very real concern for me. It's a little too easy for me to fall asleep. Sitting in a quiet, peaceful place like the temple brings on the same problem. I once sat by my sister-in-law and told her to poke me if I started dosing and she was surprised how serious I was - I was not just joking. I pray before I go to have help to stay awake, I started keeping mints in my bag, and I repeat the words in my head to help me stay awake. These help some, but it still isn't perfect. I wish it wasn't so hard for me, but I know the Lord is aware of my struggle and my intentions and He blesses me despite my shortcomings. I really feel for Peter, James, and John in the Garden of Gethsemane because I would need the same rebuke. 

The service we provide for others in the temple is incomparable. But I benefit so much, as well. I feel so much closer to the Lord in His house. I can take time to think about the covenants I have made and renew my determination to keep these covenants and serve others. The Spirit is easier to recognize and personal revelation is a little more clear. I feel the extra strong power of prayer as I pray for others in the temple. 

I think one benefit of having the temples closed for so long is to help us appreciate them more and not take them for granted. I don't want to get lazy about going regularly. I want to bless my ancestors and enjoy the blessings I get from going to the temple frequently.

Attributes of Christ through Art

I recently posted about the images of Christ that I'm saving in Instagram. After just a few weeks, I'm close to 300 images. This spontaneous project is really touching my heart. Today during the sacrament, I opened my little album and spent some time thinking of Him as I looked at these images.

I recently heard Emily Freeman talk about how she prays for the attribute of Christ that can help her that day. I've been thinking about that a lot and these images have helped me. 

I had a few little packs of mini paintings of Christ that I used to keep in my church bag when my kids were young. I recently pulled those out and bought a couple more. Then I mixed them all together. I started displaying a different one for myself on my nightstand each day. When I put a new picture up, I think about what attributes are depicted in that image. How does that attribute bless me? 

My image for today shows Christ as the creator, showing love to even the little birds. Luke 12:7 says, "But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows." Christ loves each of us beyond our ability to comprehend. 

A few days ago, the image showed Christ as King. I thought about how happy I am to be His subject, to follow His laws. He knows how to give laws that will always be to my benefit and show complete love to me in the process. I had the thought of being on His team and working toward a common goal with Him. 

One of my favorite things to pay attention to in paintings and photos is the way artists use light to portray Christ's character. In our Relief Society lesson today, we talked about the light of Christ. I thought about the contrast between dark moments in my life and the brightness of Christ's light when I turn to Him. He is the source of all light and I have felt Him warming my soul again and again, especially in my dark moments. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm continually grateful for His influence in my life. 

PC: @gregolsenart, @restorationprints

I had a kindergarten student this year who is learning how to read. She has been working so hard, but sometimes it's tempting to give up when every word is a struggle. The new word that was tripping her up one day was "did". She would sound it out and eventually figure it out, but when it cropped up again on another page, she had to start all over and she was tired of it. She finally asked me, "Can I skip that word?" I laughed and told her, no, she can't skip that word. After a few lessons, she got quite good at reading the word "did", but then we started with both "who" and "what" not long after. These are both much harder, but just as important to know. 

I frequently have students who hate when I correct their reading. I always expect them to go back and read it correctly so they are more likely to get it right next time they see it. But sometimes they push back. It's annoying that I'm so bossy and don't just let them finish the book already. I explain that I'm getting paid to do my job and if I let kids read the words wrong without fixing them, I'm not doing my job. What would the principal think if I don't really teach kids to read correctly? 

How often do we feel stuck in our trials and ask the Lord if we can just skip that trial? Or we feel repentance is punitive, that someone is bossy or annoying to ask us to fix our mistakes.  Fortunately, we don't send our kids to an empty school and expect them to figure out how to read. We send them to teachers who already know how to read, who will help them go back and fix their mistakes. You know the pay off for teaching kids to read? When they get the glimmer in their eyes as they read with confidence and recognize that it used to be too hard for them. That's my favorite part! 

Our Savior already knows how to live and He's ready to help us go back and fix our mistakes. It's not about controlling, bossing, or punishing. It's about helping us learn all we can and then moving on to more lessons we need to learn. He loves seeing the glimmer in our eyes when we grow. He doesn't get mad when we make mistakes, just like I don't get mad at my early readers. Repentance isn't the backup plan. Repentance is THE plan.

Pivotal Spiritual Experiences

I've been trying to reflect back on my life to remember pivotal spiritual experiences for me. What has shaped my trust in the Lord over the years? What can I cling to when I'm struggling? How do I know the Lord loves me and will help me through my current trials? 

One of my earliest impactful experiences happened when I was in high school. I was feeling so lost and alone one day. I don't even remember why now. It wasn't some big loss I had experienced, just normal teenage life. But I do remember feeling that I didn't know how to get over this mountain, whatever it was. I felt powerless. 

I specifically remember crying hard into my pillow, the kind of crying that leaves my face all red and splotchy. I had the bottom bunk and I still remember the feeling of cowering on that bed in despair. I remember praying. It wasn't an eloquent prayer - it probably wasn't even coherent  - but it sure was heartfelt. I knew I needed comfort and strength from the Lord. I was humble enough in that moment to recognize that I couldn't do this on my own. 

The answer to my prayer came in a more real physical way than I had experienced before or since. I felt as if I was cradled in the lap of the Lord, that He was physically holding me, comforting me, showing me that He knew exactly what I was going through and that He could help me through it. 

This scripture in Alma 7:12 perfectly describes how I see that experience. "And he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." He knew what I needed in that moment. I know He loves me and will continue to strengthen and comfort me. 

I recently read the conference talk by Elder Ulisses Soares titled Jesus Christ: The Caregiver of Our Soul. He talked about how some things can never truly be understood from hearing someone else tell about their experiences. They have to be felt for yourself. This is one of those experiences. I can never really explain this to my kids or others in a way that does it justice. But I can say, give it a try. 

Photo: David Bowman

Images of Christ

I recently started a new collection of saved posts on Instagram just for beautiful images of Christ that I find. It's quickly getting filled with many beautiful paintings that so many talented artists have shared with the world. I love browsing other paintings that some of the artists have on their pages after finding one I really love. I feel peace as I look through my saved images and feel an increase of love for my Savior. 

My faith in Jesus Christ is continually growing. I learn so much as I study His life and His example. As I strive to follow Him, my life is better and I am happier. He brings me peace, love, comfort, encouragement, forgiveness, strength, knowledge, and so much more. I am eternally grateful for Him. 

A few years ago, I was studying the book of Psalms. I was really struck by the beautiful words of praise I found everywhere in that book. I found myself wanting to write a song of praise pulling from Psalms because it impacted me so much. Maybe I'll do it someday. 

The art here comes from the following artists: Simon Dewey, Hailey Kinsey, Castel Arts, The Wood Coop, Janelle Susan Cunningham, Fox and Pebble, and a couple unknown.

Time to Quit

At the beginning of last March, I was praying late one night to know how to help my kids. It was the kind of prayer that had me pacing the room because I felt so helpless. I pleaded with the Lord  to help me know what I could do. I got out a post-it note to start writing down any thoughts that came to my mind. I've noticed that the ideas I have during my prayers more often contain my answers than any other way. It's one of the best ways I can hear Him. 

I made a list of several ideas and continued a broken prayer as I looked over the list. It became very clear to me that I needed to stop teaching piano lessons. This was a difficult idea for me to consider. I had been teaching for over ten years and I loved the one-on-one time I had with my students. I loved getting to know them all individually and I hold a special place in my heart for all of the kids I've taught over the years. 

I struggled with the idea for a little while, then went to bed. I think it was around 2 in the morning and since I usually go to bed about 9:30, it was way past my bedtime. By morning, I felt complete peace with the idea. I knew without a doubt that was the most important thing I could do for my family at that time. 

This is one of the most clear answers to prayer I've ever had. It didn't take long to start seeing real blessings for following through with it. I have much more time in the afternoons when my kids get home from school to talk about their day, or anything else. Now, I frequently spend time just talking to the kids as we play with Moki. I have much more patience with my kids and treat them with more respect. 

Being able to teach piano lessons was truly a blessing in my life. Then being able to quit teaching to focus on my family was also a blessing. I'm so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to help me and knows me well enough to know what I need in my life right now. I trust Him and in His timing. This answer was just the next step for me to take at that time and I've had many more next step answers since then. I know He answers prayers when I turn to Him wholeheartedly and I can continue to receive personal revelation for me and my family.

Finding Peace

A few weeks ago, I got some very difficult news. It weighed on my heart over the next couple of days. One morning, I struggled through my workout, feeling like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I felt desperate to talk to someone but I knew it needed to wait until after school. I felt like I couldn't handle teaching that morning and wasn't sure how I would get through it. 

When I got home, I decided I needed to focus on scriptures that talk about peace instead of my normal studying. I prayed for peace and then started reading. 

I have never had such a complete change in how I felt as I did that morning. I read scripture after scripture about the Lord's ability to help me feel peace, no matter what is happening in my life. By the time I needed to get ready for the day, I realized that I felt completely at peace. The sense of panic was completely gone and I knew I could face the day with confidence.

The problem didn't disappear. But my faith in the Lord to guide me through it was strengthened. I got a tiny taste of Godly patience: the ability to face difficulty confidently. He knows my struggles and my heart. He lifts me as I put my faith in Him. I have seen this in my life over and over again, and these experiences help me trust that He will continue to do so.

Feelings of the Atonement

I want to make a better effort to write down my spiritual experiences so that I can remember them later and to increase my faith in future trials. Prophets have asked us repeatedly to remember. The scriptures use that word repeatedly as well. But I know that my memory is not as good as I want it to be and even special experiences get lost overtime.

Shortly after I became the relief society president, almost 2 years ago, I had an experience talking to a friend who was going through a very difficult time. I spent a lot of time with her and a lot of time on my knees praying for her. One morning, I was praying for her and was having a difficult time finding the words to pray. My heart was hurting for her and her family. After a time, I had an overwhelming feeling that what I was experiencing at that time was a tiny taste of what my Savior experienced for me and for her and for everyone else. It broadened my understanding and strengthened my faith in my Savior, knowing that He knows exactly what she was going through. I wish I could bottle up the exact feeling I felt or even describe it in more depth because it was unlike any spiritual experience I've had before or since.

As we draw nearer to Easter, I want to consider my Savior and His sacrifice for me and remember that experience. Many times in my life, I have received comfort and strength because of him.  I trust in him to continue helping me in my life. I have grown to be a better person as I turn to him again and again. I love Jesus Christ and I am a better person because of everything He has done and continues to do for me.